2021 Top Books and How I Pick What to Read

I started reading more than I ever had last year. A silver lining in a global pandemic, but a silver lining nonetheless.

Most interesting, though, is what I learned about my own learning. After I performed an audit on everything I read in 2020 and pulled some lessons out of it, I made adjustments to my own consumption for 2021.

The results have been amazing. I’m reading just as much (if not more) than I was in 2020, but more importantly, what I’ve been reading has had a more thorough impact on the quality of my ideas and my outlook on life.

I cut out all the noise of fad books and looked for ones that resonated with me at a deeper level. I’m happy to say that out of the 8 books I’ve completed this year, there has only been one that I wouldn’t consider fantastic. Even then, it was a shorter book, so I didn’t feel like I was wasting hours of my life pushing a boulder up a hill. And I still enjoyed the book, it was actually pretty good, the others I read just set the bar incredibly high.

Here are the 8 books I’ve completed this year, ranked in order or Favourite:

1. Think Again (Adam Grant)

2. Man’s Search for Meaning (Viktor E. Frankl)

3. The Relationship Economy (John R. Dijulius)

4. Start with Why (Simon Sinek)

5. The E-Myth Revisited (Michael E. Gerber)

6. Scaling Up (Verne Harnish)

7. The War of Art (Steven Pressfield)

8. Rocket Fuel (Gino Wickman & Mark C. Winters)

Here are 3 methods I’ve been using to make sure the books I consume are more important to me.

Listen for recommendations everywhere you go, but wait for a book to be recommended multiple times before you commit. I used to try and jump on any recommendation that came from a source I was trying to impress or emulate. Now I wait to see if it has staying power – that is – will this source continue to recommend this book and will I see this recommendation pop up in other places. If the answer is yes, there’s probably a little magic tucked away on those pages that will light up your brain. (I actually appropriated this concept, and a few books from this Tim Ferriss blog post)
Have a trusted group of people to recommend for you, but ask for context. I love talking about what I’m reading with other people that are close to me. It helps solidify my thinking on the concepts I’ve read (talking means you have to turn it into a cohesive thought/narrative) but it’s pretty obvious there are some topics I love that bore others to sleep. I try not to recommend these in my circles, but it happens occasionally. Asking about the context of the book can let you know if it’s something that will resonate with you, or if it’s just something that really resonates with the other person.
Consider the timing of the book relative to what you are doing in your life. As I’ve stepped into more of a leadership role in work, I’ve found myself crushing management and leadership books in my spare time. It’s not that I’m trying to work overtime, it’s that I have burning questions which don’t go away at the end of a 8-4. The more relevant the book to what occupies my thoughts this week, the more likely I am to enjoy hearing a different perspective on the topic. Having a depth of perspectives on a core groups of concepts has been much more fulfilling than trying to spread myself across the width of documented knowledge in the universe.

My Favourite Book of 2020

Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)

Key takeaway: “What others do may be the stimulus to our feelings, but never the cause.”

We need to step back and consider the language we use to convey the emotions we feel. Often we find ourselves using tropes and clichés that put the blame of our internal feelings on the external world. We need to accept that although others may trigger our feelings, the cause of them is a need of ours not being met. Only then can we move forward with ourselves.

It is not some perception of strength that will help us meet our needs, it is vulnerability. Only when we are vulnerable enough to let people know what our needs are will we have the opportunity to meet them fully. We must also accept that individuals are allowed to make their own decisions, which does not always align with what we desire.

These are powerful lessons, and they’re delivered in digestible segments. I could not have asked for a better coaching segment than listening and re-listening to this book. The only other suggestion I would make is listening to some more of Marshall Rosenberg’s work.

The direct follow-up that I would recommend is Speaking Peace. Some people just get it. Marshall Rosenberg is one of those people. He sees things differently and invites you to join him. Patience, insight and a positive outlook on life seeps through every page of his writing. I found it to be an absolute joy to hear what he had to say, even when it cast light on unpleasant characteristics of myself.

And that’s because it’s an invitation to see the world through a different lens. To broaden your horizon for yourself. To love more deeply and to let that love drive positive convictions in your life.

Prepare to look deeply at yourself and your own actions if you read these books. They showed me how little I was willing to contribute to my own needs. They showed me how ineffective my communication was (and continues to be at times). They will give you literal examples of how to approach nonviolent communication. This is why they are so effective – they bring about change quickly. They are currently the #1 and #2 books on my personal list. I consider them fundamental readings for emotional intelligence.

I consider these books deeply inspiring to the core of humanity. I revisit them when I find myself low or lacking clarity with my own feelings. Perhaps most importantly, I come back to these books when I’ve fucked up and need to solve a problem of my own making. It centres me and provides a framework to take next steps.

There isn’t a band-aid solution for the human condition, but Nonviolent Communication is as close as I’ve found.

2020 Reading Audit

I read more this past year than I have in a long time, maybe the most I’ve ever read.

That’s because I changed the way I consume books. I bought a kindle (and I’m a fan), but what really increased my intake was the shift to audiobooks.

I clocked a total of 7 days and 11 hours of listening. I average 1.3x-1.5x listening speed depending on the book.

So here’s my reading list for the year, ranked in order of Favourite:

1. Nonviolent Communication (Marshall B. Rosenberg)

2. Speaking Peace (Marshall B. Rosenberg)

3. Mating in Captivity (Esther Perel)

4. No Rules Rules (Reed Hastings, Erin Meyer)

5. Traction (Gino Wickman)

6. Religion for Atheists (Alain de Botton)

7. How I Built This (Guy Raz)

8. The Deficit Myth (Stephanie Kelton)

9. The Practice (Seth Godin)

10. Enchantment (Guy Kawasaki)

11. Post Corona (Scott Galloway)

12. Vagabonding (Rolf Potts)

13. Essays in Love (Alain de Botton)

14. The Righteous Mind (Jonathan Haidt)

15. Joseph Campbell and The Power of Myth with Bill Moyers Programs 1-6

16. The Expanse: Caliban’s War (James S.A. Corey)

17. The Son (Jo Nesbo)

18. The Expanse: Leviathan Wakes (James S.A. Corey)

19. His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass (Philip Pullman)

20. His Dark Materials: The Subtle Knife (Philip Pullman)

21. His Dark Materials: The Amber Spyglass (Philip Pullman)

22. Stalling for Time (Gary Noesner)

23. Status Anxiety (Alain de Botton)

24. Predictably Irrational (Dan Ariely)

25. Thinking in Bets (Annie Duke)

26. Debt: The First 5000 Years (David Graeber)

27. Sapiens (Yuval Noah Hurari)

28. Tribe (Sebastian Junger)

Here are 3 lessons I learned from a year of relatively intense reading.

Don’t get caught in the hype of thinking you need to read best-sellers or really long books. Most of the time I wouldn’t finish these books. The ones I did finish ended up near the bottom of my list. (this leads to my next point)
You don’t need to finish the book. Also, feel free to jump around. The book is for your enjoyment, not to suffer through so that you can say “I read THAT book”.
Re-listen to parts of your favourite books when you need inspiration or guidance. This was a huge turning point for me after reading “Religion for Atheists.” I went back to several favourite passages and had soul food for the mind.